Monday, September 27, 2004

750,000 Volts for My Birthday

Yesterday was my 29th birthday. I got my first present at 2:30 in the morning. I had been asking Dissaster to taser me with my 750,000 volt stun gun. Why would I want someone to taser me?:
  1. Pain is good; extreme pain is extremely good.
  2. I've always wanted to know what it felt like.
He has declined several times. On Friday, I asked him to taser me for my birthday. He still declined.

Saturday, after going to The Rhino Bar where our friend Shane (a.k.a. "Big Sexy"), owner of Rockstar Productions, was doing karaoke, we went to his house to hang out for a while. Dissaster suggested that I ask Shane for my first birthday present. I asked Shane for my birthday present and he didn't know what I meant. Dissaster explained that I wanted to get tasered for my birthday. Shane, understanding my demented mind, agreed to do it. I pulled out my 750,000 volt stun gun and handed it to him. I was excited! He put the stun gun up against my left shoulder and asked me if I was ready. I smiled and said "Yes". He pulled the trigger and held it down for a couple of seconds. I felt a little charge, but it didn't hurt. When I didn't respond to it, he did it again. It still didn't hurt. Fate said "You didn't even flinch." I said "It didn't hurt." Then Shane tasered me in the butt. I felt that one. I said "Ouch" and jumped. I told him I wanted him to taser me until I went down, but he wouldn't do it. So then I sat down and tasered myself in the thigh a couple of times. Dissaster expressed concern, so I quit.

750,000 volts wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The shot in the butt hurt a little and I had marks on my shoulder on Sunday morning from where my skin got fried, but it was no big deal. The next time (yes, there will be a next time) I'll have to find someone who is willing to taser me until I go down and stay down.

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